Wednesday, January 28

Nonverbal Communication Goes To Hollywood!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfDWQG47pAQ

click the link for the best nonverbal communication video ever!!! Actually, not really, but it shows pretty fine examples. Sure the video contains cheezy 90s arcade music and bad-dubbing, but it also depicts scenes from movies where non-verbal communication is the key to the outcome of the movie.

(DISCLAIMER: In the vid, Will Smith stated that in communication, 60% is body language, 30% is your tone. "So that means that 90% of what you're saying, ain't coming out of your mouth" BUT... according to HELP, 35% is verbal and 65% is nonverbal. :/ so yes, should we listen to HELP or Will Smith? You decide :D)

1) Mission Impossible 2
Sexy Tom Cruise eyeballs-it-up with sexy Latina chick. Result... (I dunno, watch the movie :|)

This shows that non-verbal communication is quite ambigous and we shouldn't jump onto a conclusion the moment we get a feeling.

2) iRobot
Sonny beckons Will Smith that everything will be all right, despite their dilemna.

A simple wink can mean a lot and can lead to a lot as well. This scene shows that Sonny and Will Smith have a history in their relationship and the wink is something only both of them would get.

*skips the Narnia movie coz it sucks*

3) The Matrix
Keannu Reaves stops flinging bullets heading his way and even plucks one out in mid-air!

Keannu shows his superiority through his facial expressions. Mr. Smith ain't got nothing on him now.

4) Click (or Adam Sandler GETS SOME!)
With the power of tissue paper, a ballpen, and non-verbal communication, Adam Sandler gets some!!!

This video is probably the epitome of nonverbal communication. It has everything with the looking, and the nodding, and the writing. GOLD... This shows that they know each other a lot and have an intimate distance (18 inches). Their posture and gesture also says it all, the kinesics, the manipulators, and the face and the eyes.

Indeed, nonverbal communication is the shiz. I learned that we should all relax and just let our nonverbal communications flow. It is less phony that way and we get to know a person better.

Rock and Roll :)>-

How to Be An Empathic Listener and Be Cool At The Same Time

According to my second-hand and slightly vandalized Human Comm book, Empathic Listening is a method used when other people ask for solutions to personal predicaments. Empathic Listening can benefit both parties just coz when one simply listens, the relationship between the two improves one way or the other. As it turns out, there are a lot of different styles, each with their own advantages and disadvantages. Come with me as we explore these styles! weeeeee...

1) ADVISING
The gut instinct of everyone these days, when confronted by someone who needs help, is to give them advice. First of all, even before you give your advice, make sure you have a grasp on the situation. Make sure you got it 99.99% sure. Coz if you don't, trouble will be at the horizon. What sucks is the person you gave advice to might even blame you for the misfortune! So yes... be extra-extra careful. And one should always remember that if it works for one person, it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to work for the other. Always make sure too that you're giving the correct advice and he/she will accept it. Furthermore, when giving advice, make the person know that you're on his/her side by making sure your advice is constructive and not critical. Don't be like, "cacat your mind! This is what you should do..." be more like, "ohh man, well, here's what I think you should do..."

2) ANALYZING
Stop being judemental and be ANALYTICAL!!! coz we're cool like that.
Rephrase your troubled partner's thoughts in your own words in order to present some aspects he/she might've left out.
Like:
"She's just jealous coz..." or "Maybe what's really bothering you is..." or "He probably stabbed the pillow because..."
But again, be super-duper careful! Honestly. Make sure you really grasp the situation. For the person might get even more confused and go crazier! And even if you do get the situation, make sure your comment makes sense and it is useful.

3) QUESTIONING
Questioning can help clarify a lot of things. It shows that you can relate with the person and you're actually listening. You can also explore the emotions the problemed-person is feeling and come up with a better soultion. Just remember not to start a rucus by asking questions to satisfy your own curiosity. The person might get angrier, we wouldn't want that. Also, make sure the questions won't blur a person. Be sure that you're still talking about the same thing and don't go overboard. And last but not least, don't use questions to hide your own criticism. This is a snakey snakey move teachers pull off and we should just leave it to them, for they are the masters of deception and they know how and what they're doing.

4) PARAPHRASING
We all tirelessly learned this in Intermediate English and now we're finally gonna strut out what we've learned! yey! Paraphrasing is to change some words in a statement but still come out with the same idea (I've been using it throughout this blog, hehehe...) anyway, this is a very useful tool for it shows that we grasp the idea firmly and we can clarify it. If we've mistaken, the problemed-person will simply correct us and we will arrive to the real situation. However, if the person is looking for more information and not sorting out his/her feelings, then this method is pointless. You're just gonna drag him/her in circles. Also, make sure you have the time to paraphrase something because this method consumes a lot of time. Always remember too that you want to help someone and you can relate to him/her (detected: EMPATHY). Don't just satisyfy your own wants. Remember to make sure that you don't interject a judement in your paraphrasing as well. And finally, never ever overdo this. Don't be a sell-out X-( it gets pretty annoying sometimes, repeating the same thing over and over again. Balance, bro.

ALL RIGHT!!! If you're reading this part, you are an Empathic Listener and officially dubbed "cool." so put on those shutter shades and skinny jeans and start listening to people, cool cat B-)

Peace and Love :)>-

Tuesday, January 27

nonverbal communication

nonverbal communication can be defined as the communication in which messages are send and received through wordless messages.it can be either facial expressions, gestures, eye contacts, body language and also object communication such as clothing and hairstyle.research studies finds that a surprising 65% of the meaning conversational messages is communicated using non verbal clues. speech may also contain non verbal elements known as para language, including voice quality, speaking style, as well as prosodic features such as rhythm, intonation and stress. likewise, writing also have some non verbal elements such as writing styles, spacial arrangements of words and emoticons.

how does non verbal communication speak louder than words in a close relationship??
it takes more than words to create productive, safe, exciting and secure relationships. too often the signals we send are not the ones we intend to send. when this happens both connection and trust are lost in a relationship.

Ted, Arlene and Jack are all articulate speakers who say one thing but communicate another with disastrous results in their relationships.

Ted thought he had found the perfect love relationship when he met Sharon, but Sharon isn’t so sure. Ted is very eligible. He is nice-looking, hardworking, and a smooth talker. The trouble is that Ted seems to talk more to himself than to Sharon. When Sharon has something to say, Ted is ready with a reply before she finishes her thought. This makes Sharon feel ignored, and she has begun dating other men. Ted loses out at work for the same reason – his inability to listen to others makes him unpopular with many of the people he most admires.

Arlene is attractive and has no problem meeting eligible men – it’s keeping them that’s the problem! Arlene is funny and a good conversationalist, but even though she laughs and smiles constantly, she radiates tension. Arlene’s shoulders and eyebrows are noticeably raised, her voice is shrill and her body stiff to touch. Being around Arlene makes many people feel uncomfortable. Arlene has a lot going for her that is undercut by the discomfort she evokes in others.

Jack gets along with his colleagues at work, but not with those who matter most to him. If you were to ask them why, they would say that Jack is “too intense”. Rather than look at you, he devours you with his eyes. And if he takes your hand, he lunges to get it and then squeezes so hard it hurts. Jack is a caring guy but has a terrible time being in sync with people. This awkwardness also limits his ability to advance to a managerial level at work. He just isn’t seen as good with others.

All of these articulate, well-intended people struggle in their attempt to connect with others. None of them are aware of the nonverbal messages they communicate.

Sunday, January 25

Computer-Mediated Communication (CMC)

What is CMC? Computer-Mediated Communication (CMC) is the process by which people create, exchange, and perceive information using networked telecommunications systems (or non-networked computers) that facilitate encoding, transmitting, and decoding messages (http://www.december.com/john/study/cmc/what.html).
MSN, Yahoo Messenger, Face Book, Friendster. Those mentioned are just few of the popular CMC channels through the internet. It is conveniently available to any internet users mainly for communication purposes.
Chatrooms or chat windows is where the users communicate at most times. Basically, all we need to do is just type and press ‘Enter’ to deliver whatever is to be said. Take a moment to ponder, is it easier to ‘voice out’ your opinions or feelings through chats or doing them in real life?
In my own personal opinion, I think it is easier to ‘voice out’ through these CMC channels. Given a scenario, should I am to confess my feelings to one of my female groupie Jenna Dy, it would be SOOO much more easier doing it over the MSN chats or by sending her a SMS with text showing ‘ I LOVE YOU JENNA!!’ compared with me having to do it face to face or through the phone. “P/s : it’s just an example. No offence Jenna :)).”
HOWEVER, this is a very subjective matter. Generally it seems, confessing through CMC channels MIGHT appear improper in a sense that it lacks sincerity or being less romantic compared to doing it face to face or through the phone.
Sometimes, CMC channels can be misused. For example sending HOAX smses to the police station stating there is a BOMB in the building. Another commonly misused example would be those that are misusing it for fake identity through the internet. For example introducing HIMself as a FEMALE in a chatroom hence deceiving certain people to do indecent things such as stripping over the web cam and then blackmailing the victim.
In short, it is undeniable that CMC has ‘intruded’ into everyone’s daily lives. It is best to use it in proper ways and with etiquettes.

One on the MANY non-verbal communication advantages

As we are aware, non-verbal communication happens practically almost all the time, even if you are just standing there doing NOTHING, you are still constantly sending out non-verbal signs which will be interpreted in many ways varying from different individuals.
Can these non-verbal signs be used to one’s personal advantage? The answer is YES, but not every individual is up to it. WHERE can we see it constantly being used? Just an example, it is frequently used by direct sales personnel, approaching almost anyone with the intension to sell their products. In direct sales, each and everyone out there is a potential customer. They are taught beforehand to never prejudge anyone and try their best to sell their products.
Approaching a would-be customer, it comes to advantage when the salesperson can recognize non-verbal signs sent out by their customer. In simpler words, there are some hints, which range from body postures to body gestures to facial expressions. The better the salesperson is to interpret these signs, he/she saves TIME and EFFORT.
When someone starts showing interests, and he/she is able to hitch on the signs, he/she is more likely to seal the deal. On the other hand, if the signs are showing the other way round, he/she can practically round up their pitch, say ‘Thank You’ and move along to another target. This is the difference between a successful direct sales person and an unsuccessful one.
Being able to do these efficiently, it is a guarantee of better sales results. Anyone interested in TRYING?

listening...

In the process of communication, LISTENING plays a very big role in communication. We should always know how to listen, how to understand the things that people are saying. We can practice our listening skills through different ways. We can’t always base “listening” as to having a conversation with people. We can also say that we’re listening when we listen to the things around us, like music and noise, as long as there is a message flowing through our brains from the sounds that we hear. Sometimes we listen to things to basically satisfy our wants.

For example, there is this song that you really want and you've grown tired from listening to it; you’ll surely look for a next set of favorite songs to replace the old ones to fulfill your needs. Also, listening to the lyrics can help you set your emotions!

Next example: your boyfriend/ girlfriend went to another country to study, and surely you’ll miss him/ her. Time will come that you’ll die to hear your partner’s voice. It’s a way of satisfying one’s emotional needs. You’ll do anything just to hear his/ her voice. That’s why; the people with their family abroad are still trying to call up their relatives abroad even if it’ll cost them that much.

Listening is really that important for us human. It’s a big part of our life. Without learning how to listen to things, IT'S HARD TO SURVIVE!

amBIGuity

Ambiguous sentences are one of the BIGGEST misleading claims ever! Those are sentences that have two meanings; therefore, people are prone to interpret it differently from others. Some ambiguous sentences are quite funny. There was an activity we did in school; it was about making our own ambiguous headlines. I found out that there are a lot of ambiguous headlines that can be formed!

I found something in the internet about ambiguous announcements in church. It is quite funny when you read it once…I’ve taken this from Collection of Ambiguous or Inconsistent/Incomplete Statements Compiled by Jeff Gray

ACTUAL ANNOUNCEMENTS TAKEN FROM CHURCH BULLETINS

  • Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and meditation to follow. [prayer and meditation for supper? Or prayer and meditation after supper?]
  • This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. [ both ends of the child?? Or both ends of the church?]
  • This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. [put an egg in the altar or lay an egg on the altar… like a chicken]
  • At the evening service tonight the sermon topic will be "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. (this is funny) [listening to the choir is hell? Or the sermon topic is about hell]
  • Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. [ hear Bertha all the way from Africa? Or Bertha from Africa]
  • "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands". [get rid of your husband? hahahaha or don’t forget to bring your husband to the sale]

Collection of Ambiguous or Inconsistent/Incomplete Statements Compiled by Jeff Gray (http://www.gray-area.org/Research/Ambig/#MISC)

See how ambiguous sentences work? They can be funny but sometimes they are more likely to be misinterpreted!!

Tuesday, January 20

language

In my opinion, communication is a part of life no matter may it be verbal or non-verbal. As a baby, you cry as a way to communicate to others if you want to say something. As you grow up, your parents teach u verbal communication starting from your mother tongue. Then comes the non-verbal communication such as sign language, body language and facial expressions. Being in the Malaysian culture, I have learned to talk and write in English, Bahasa Malaysia and Chinese. I find it amusing how people even can communicate in 4 or 5 languages. It really amazes me at times how communication has changed the whole today.

Monday, January 19

Misconceptions About Communication - REMIX!!!

Communication does not require complete understanding
Indeed... In this fast-paced metropolis we all live in, usually, one does not have the time to chit-chat it up with someone. Everyone must find a way to communicate as short yet as meaningful as possible. For instance, when I tell someone to "beat it," he should interpret it as "get outta here." I wouldn't expect him to dance to Michael Jackson's Beat It, that'd be odd.

Communication is not always a good thing
I concur! We all need our space sometimes. People can't just keep strangling you for your projects or Human Com Blog Entries. We all need to relax and reflect by ourselves on life and its wonders. Another reason why we shouldn't always communicate is because we learn to miss the other person and long for her/him. That way, we would care for them some more because of their lack of presence.

Meanings Rest In People, Not In Words
We are all pods filled with thoughts and emotions. We all think and feel in relatively the same way. Whenever we say something to someone, he/she understands it. Because of our rampant emotions, sometimes, the person misinterprets the message and thinks something else. Therefore we should always be careful about the things we say, for words are more powerful than we think.

Communication Is Not Simple
Quite true... we should always remember to use the right words at the right time. We can't curse a lot when we're with our parents and we should always listen in classes such as Human Com! If you don't understand it, then simply ask a question. No harm in trying.

YES! done... Rock & Roll :)>-

Sunday, January 18

Daily usage of communication

I drive to college everyday. A few things which we are bound to see everyday makes me wonder. The traffic lights – are they a sign of non-verbal communication? The traffic police directing the traffic during morning peak hours, just with the movements of his white-gloved hands, he is able to direct the cars, another sign of non-verbal communication? Cars, turning on their signal lights to indicate a left turn or right turn, another sign of non-verbal communication? All those mentioned above, are very good examples of non-verbal communication which are easily interpreted and obeyed.
HOWEVER, how many are in full awareness of the importance of these non-verbal communications I have mentioned? Miscommunication in these few aspects results to DIRE consequences = ACCIDENTS, which at certain points, causes the loss of lives. Turning off suddenly without signaling the signal lights or charging through the so easily visible RED light which indicates stop causes road accidents to occur. Such miscommunication happen everyday, everywhere.
This is just an example of the usage of communication and the results of miscommunication.

My understanding of the importance of human communication through my personal experience

I’ve always pondered on the subject of human communication, and wondered about the need and importance of human communication. Through the facts, I personally think that I’m not much of a communicator myself. There are always situations where it seemed awkward and I just could not find the right words to voice out. For example, there was this one time where I was having a luncheon with a group of girl friends and I was the only MALE participant. The restaurant was a famous high class restaurant which name I am not convenient to mention. During the course of our meal, a baby COCKROACH appeared from the bread basket. It practically shocked all of the girls at the table. Being the only MALE, of course I had to get rid of it. But to my opinion, it was just a small matter and I did not want to make a fuss out of it. But ALL of them insisted that I should complain to the manager in duty. Honestly, the reason I did not want to make a complain was, I did not know how to approach and handle the situation. In the end, perhaps in the manner of my complain was not stern enough, all the manager said was sorry, whilst the girls looked at me with disappointment as they were expecting a discount from the management after complaining about the cockroach. The whole scenario ended with me being embarrassed and feeling awkward towards the incident that has happened.
Realizing what happened, once again I got to know how important it is to have the skills to engage proper communication channels as it is deemed as an important surviving skill in the society. Through taking up this introduction to human communication subject, I hope to improve my understanding and communication skills.

Why do we need communication?

Why do we need communication? Does it satisfy our needs as an individual?

Communication can indeed satisfy our needs! First, it can help gratify physical health needs.

For example, do you ever wonder why sometimes people talked to their plants? It is believed that when people talk to their plants, the plants grow in a fast and healthy rate. It is also effective in babies! They get healthy mentally, physically and emotionally. That is why communication can satisfy physical health needs! People might thinks it’s nuts to speak to someone or something who could not even answer back… well they’re WRONG! When people are not being talk to, they feel sad, thus they sometimes become emotional to the point that they only think about how to end their life.

See how communication can sometimes play an important role in our life?

In addition, communication can also satisfy our needs to be social people as well as our identity needs. If we don’t have communication, how do we interact with other people?? Our social life is at stake if we cut communication with others... how can you know someone if you don’t verbally interact with them? Sometimes communication could make you feel better not only it fills our need to be sociable, it also fulfill our identity needs. Communication can help us speak out our ideas; therefore base from our ideas and how we communicate, they can guess or at least have a hint on what kind of person we are.

Like, if you contributed ideas that promote violence, murder or killing. From this idea, people will have an idea that you’re a morbid type of a person, you want the act of killing as a form of justice.

Lastly, Practical needs. Now this is true! Communication can comply with our needs. Who doesn’t communicate when he/she needs something?? We all need to speak, to interact when we need to eat, to get what we want. People can’t just guess right away what you want.

Like when a baby cries, she/he doesn’t tell you if she/he is hungry, or had an accident… so parents find it really hard to interpret why the baby is crying.

See how communication can be part of our life? It does satisfy one’s needs. it also in a way helps us through our lives. To get what we want, for people to know us! Communication is indeed present in our daily life!:)

Movie Review - Shaun of the Dead (2004)


After being dumped by his girlfriend and realizing that his life is slowly forming into a downward spiral of failure and regret, our everyday working-class hero Shaun wakes up the next morning into a world filled with zombies. No kidding... Together with his best bud Ed, they set off into zombie infested England to rescue Shaun's mom Barbara, EX-girlfriend Liz, and her friends, David & Dianne. The plan was simple, drive to Shaun's mom's house and save her from the infected stepdad, go to the loft where Liz, David, and Dianne reside and save them, then they would all head for "The Winchester," (a little pub in the heart of London) where they can seek refuge from the zombies. At first, the plan was going as planned. But due to miscommunications and things-that-were-left-unsaid, they all died in the pub :|. Well, everyone except for Shaun and Liz, they survived the horrible Z-day (as the movie called it at the end of the film). The movie ended with the world accepting the fact that there are now zombies in existance. Some zombies were even domesticated. And Shaun and Liz lived happily ever after :).

This is one of the most depressing movies ever! That's what I think anyway. Well, aside from the amusingly dry British humor and good acting, I find the whole story quite sad. Here are some scenes in the movie where the lack of human communication resulted into such a depressing story.

  1. The night Shaun got dumped, both Ed and him went to the Winchester to drink away his sorrows. On the way home, they were drunk and started singing a song. Then, a person from afar started to sing along with them. Only the person was moaning and they didn't realize that he was actually a zombie! This is the result of alcohol and its effects on miscommunication! The Transaction Model could not be followed because they couldn't properly decode what the zombie was singing. Damn alcohol, nothing but trouble..
  2. We all learned in Human Com that a "Competent Communicator" must have: a wide range & the ability to choose the appropriate behaviors, the skill at performing behaviors, empathy, cognitive complexity, self-monitoring ability, and commitment to a relationship. Based on this, we can say that Shaun is NOT a Competent Communicator. He only has insecurity and awkwardness as a behavior. In work, Shaun is always unsure and gets pushed around. He is also not self-monitoring for he forgot to reserve a table for his date with Liz, he is not exercising, and he hasn't quit smoking even if he promised to. He cannot perform and plan well as well because of the reliance with his sloth friend, Ed.
  3. In the pub, there was a revalation of the excess pragmatic (third-party) understandings between Shaun, Liz, David, and Dianne. It turns out that during their college days, they have misinterpreted a lot of signs towards each other and failed to do something about all of them. They just went along with what they heard and got on with life. This can also be percieved as lack of communication for they didn't take the appropriate time to sort everything out.
  4. Euphemisms were used a lot in the film too. At first, Shaun didn't want to call the reanimated dead "zombies" for he was afraid that they were in fact zombies! The newscaster called them "the attackers." Throughout the film, Shaun called his stepdad by his name, Philipp, instead of dad.
Yup, here are just some Human Communication concepts I wish to share about this movie.
So yes, I hope I did it right. :)

Peace and Love :)>-

Erroneous ideas about communication

There are a lot of erroneous ideas about communication that we should know. First, if you think communication is simple… then you’re wrong! Communication can be as complicated as math or even more! We have a verbal communication where you speak and someone will listen, another is non-verbal communication which is twice as hard to interpret compared to verbal communication! Non-verbal communication is interpreting simple actions like smiling, grinning etc...

An example is, when someone asks you “Is she pregnant?” and you replied with a smile, people might misinterpret that smile. Some of them would think it’s true… yes, she is pregnant; well in fact you smiled because you don’t know what to say because you’re unsure… Lesson: STOP assuming! Don’t assume you know and understand people’s reaction because it might be wrong; therefore causing chaos and intrigue to their life.

Second, if you think communication is always a good thing…then again, you’re wrong! We sometimes think that by communicating with others, we can solve confusions, disagreement and misunderstandings, well in fact talking to them can lead to even more massive confusion.

Like, when you and your friend argued about something, it’s not healthy for the both of you to shout what’s on your mind since both of you might regret it in the future. The best way to solve your problem is by self-reflecting. You reflect on what has happened and therefore conclude what should be done in order to fix the problem.

These are some erroneous ideas of people about communication, thus resulting to misunderstandings that are hard to solve. We must take into consideration these ideas to furthermore help us understand what communication is all about.